So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
