The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
