Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
