At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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