Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
