Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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