She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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