I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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