You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
