So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
