My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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