My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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