Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think my vagina is haunted
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
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MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
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I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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