Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
