Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
