my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
