your thong is hanging out like whoa
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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