she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
