i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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