Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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