i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
