ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
