she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
