U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
