A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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