perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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