Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think I am morally bankrupt
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
