areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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