I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
