I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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