So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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