Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
