and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
