she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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