yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
