hotel room ftw
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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