Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
