he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
