I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
