And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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