May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
