So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
These tits shall not be calmed
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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