i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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