She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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