Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We are all done wearing pants today
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
