her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
