Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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