it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
