ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
