So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the day after is always just damage control
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
