Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
