Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
