Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
