i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
whose parrot is this?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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