i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Randomize
