Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
