I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
