Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize