All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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