we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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