I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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