so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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