a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
