is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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