The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
