thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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