WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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