I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
