If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
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